I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
