Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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