I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I AM VODKA MAN
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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