I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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