she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
