Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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