Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
