operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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