So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
