I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my being single is dangerous.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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