Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We named our party play list daddy issues
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
