I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
