one might say we're banned from that church
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
