Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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