we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
