Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
