my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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