it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
