just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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