New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize