I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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