I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
