I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
