I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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