with your own penis?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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