I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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