Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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