so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
