Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
