Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
