just come out here and I will go home with you...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
