My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
