I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
