Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm having to shit out rocks
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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