Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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