it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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