CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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