guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
