I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
