what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
