omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
