but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
