woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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