This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
