I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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