he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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