i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
