i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
