cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
