Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
