Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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