I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
