john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
