Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
