I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize