I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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