Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
