we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
